


A Change of Heart

by AndyArchives



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Amanda delivers the vibe check of the century, Child Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sarek is a bitch, Sibling Rivalry, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27003802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyArchives/pseuds/AndyArchives
Summary: A series of “missing scenes” between Michael & Spock.
Relationships: Michael & Spock
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	1. “But I Love You.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just some good old fashioned Family Drama.

“Shh! Follow me.”

The sound of little bare feet pattered through the hallways of the vast, empty house.

“What are we doing?”

“Spying. Shh!”

Spock felt his heartbeat kick up as he followed his sister down the hall. Neither of them allowed themselves so much as a breath as they crept down the hallway, stepping gingerly on the floor. 

They approached their parents’ room like they were sneaking into the “adults only” section of the library. There was tension in the air as they got close and fell silent just short of the doorknob. Spock was barely taller than the doorknob itself, but he still crouched down beside Michael.

Michael turned to Spock, locking her black eyes with his in the dark. Normally his eyes sparkled like they were their own galaxy full of stars. Tonight, they were as dim as the night sky from a polluted earth centuries ago. Spock probably saw the same thing in her eyes as she did in his.

They fell silent. Spock crept closer to her. Though he didn’t say a word, Michael could feel the tension in his muscles from an inch away. She put her hand on his shoulder and offered him a smile. 

They heard the sound of their father’s voice, and immediately tuned in to what he was saying.

“I am only now grasping what happened today,” said their father. “The fact Michael would act so reckless...And that she would involve herself in her brother’s affairs. Did she think he wasn’t an easy enough target?”

“I don’t think she intended to make him appear weak,” said Amanda, her tone soft.

Michael’s face tightened. Her hand came up again as she put an arm over her brother’s shoulders.

Earlier that day while at school, she’d seen Spock being approached by a group of three children who appeared older than him. She didn’t exactly get the vibe that they were there to chat. As she walked onto the scene, she heard the bullies hurling insults at him. 

It ended when she told the three of them off, using a few choice words in the process and caused, according to the headmaster, “quite a disturbance.” She hadn’t even cursed, but the principal was appalled. Due to the fact no punches were thrown, she had just barely squeaked out of detention, but nothing could control the ultimate test: their father’s choice of punishment. 

“She must stop stepping in to fight on his behalf. It is most concerning, especially with Spock’s...” Michael swallowed as she heard Sarek falter, “...difficulties in school to keep in mind. He must learn how to show a strong front in the face of adversity, not become accustomed to others defending him.”

“What’s the big deal about her standing up for him? Isn’t that a sign they’re getting along? Isn’t that what we wanted?”

“They are becoming codependent,” said Sarek. “You must know that too much of anything can lead to—,”

“Too much of what, Sarek?” Amanda cuts off her husband. “Love? You’re saying our kids love one another too much? That isn’t even possible! You are hardly a psychiatrist, so you are not one to call them anything except your children. Our children loving each other can never be a bad thing!”

“Amanda...” He said her name in what he must have thought was a placating tone. “Love can be dangerous if it puts another person in peril. In this case, I believe she is making Spock look like an even easier target to his harassers—“

“—and I think you’re wrong.” Amanda said. 

The two of them fell into silence.

“His teachers... They have said that Spock’s test scores have not been improving,” continued their father’s voice. “Have you been reading to him?”

“I am doing the best I can, but he simply needs more time to catch up with the other children. By the time he’s an adult he could do incredible things.”

“That is not how my colleagues perceive it,” said Sarek.

Every soul in the house went silent. 

Despite the secretive nature of Vulcan culture, gossip spread between them faster even than among humans. Every Vulcan liked to claim they didn’t want to involve themselves in other’s emotions, but the reality was that Vulcans had naturally inquisitive minds and sensitive hearing. 

If Sarek’s colleagues were aware of Spock‘s failings as a Vulcan then everyone else within their social circle likely knew as well. Michael could practically see the self-hatred hit her younger brother and sink its teeth into him. A knot formed in her throat and slid down into her stomach, where it chewed away at her like a scavenger desperate for more scraps. 

Michael’s arm tightened around Spock’s. The pressure as well as the touch helped steady him as they continued to listen.

“I understand why your colleagues’ opinions of our children matter to you. But have you considered you haven’t given your children a chance to prove themselves yet?” 

“My colleagues will not give them the chance. They will judge them long before they reach the appropriate age to enter the Vulcan Science Academy.” He paused, then continued. “We must also consider the possibility that neither of them will get in. After all, Spock does have—,”

“—don’t you bring that up now,” spat Amanda, with more anger than they’d ever heard her mother use in her voice. They could feel their father recoil from her

Michael’s throat tightened as the pressure to get into the Science Academy once again rendered her unable to breathe. Spock would be free to do as he chose—as he should be. At least she had a dream of being a scientist to back up her ambition. 

She couldn’t risk disappointing her new family. She had to take the spot at the Vulcan Science Academy so Spock would have more freedom and she could finally achieve her dreams. 

Beneath her, she could feel her brother’s shoulders start to shake. She clenched him tighter to her side. 

“Amanda...please think about Michael’s side of the equation. She will face scrutiny enough for being fully human, and she will be the first of our children to test into the academy. If she does so with a reputation of having a poor attitude, they may not consider her. We must deal with this need she feels to protect her brother so that school may continue smoothly for both of them.”

“How is making a child deal with bullying on their own a solution?” Amanda asked. She spoke in a low tone. It was clear she was choosing her words very carefully. “The very least you could do is validate him and tell him they’re wrong!” 

“I fail to see how flimsy an argument could stand up against him. He notices the way people treat him. We cannot act like he isn’t what he is.” The air around them was heavy. “There must be something,” continued Sarek, “something to purge our family of all of this...human nonsense.”

There was silence, then the sound of a hard slap against flesh, followed by their mother’s voice. “You will not speak about humans in that manner around me or our children any longer. Until you learn more respect for humanity, you can sleep on the couch. Am I understood?” 

Her voice was steady, and carried a poisonous sting. 

Michael grabbed her brother’s hand and tugged him to the east wing of the house, where their father would not be heading any time soon. 

They crept quietly until Spock twisted his hand out of her grip and cut to the left, where she followed him all the way out to the balcony outside.

Spock walked towards the edge of the balcony and stopped at the railing. His eyes looked hungrily into the stars ahead of him.

As she watched she could see the pain settling deep into Spock’s mind. She saw his hands tremble as they gripped the edge of the balcony. Her heart twisted as the words “human nonsense” echoed through her mind over and over. She felt her eyes growing warm and wet, wiping them quickly.

“There is no need to cry, Michael,” said Spock. He was still facing away from her.

Michael startled for a moment, then said “how did you know?”

“Your change in breathing rate sounds the same every time you are on the verge of tears; I recognize the sound well.”

“It’s not you, Spock,” she said. “I know you’re gonna bury this and blame it on yourself for being half human, but—,”

“—the simple logic of this situation is that you will test before me to get into the Science Academy. If you fail, it will fall upon me to uphold the tradition on my own and apply. I will have no choice but to marry a Vulcan here and keep the tradition alive in my choice of career and in the nurturing of my future children. I will amount to little except as a carrier to further the family name. I fail to picture either of us being at peace with that outcome.”

“You think I can’t do it...” she said, her voice getting deep and cracked. “You really think I’m not going to get in and all of this is going to fall on you.”

“You are the one acting as if it’s your duty to get into the academy so that I don’t have to. I don’t recall asking for you to shield me from those kids at school either.”

“Well I’m sorry but...where I come from you love someone by protecting them.”

“Then to that I have only this to say,” he turned around to face her. “Stop protecting me.”

His words hit her square and hard like a snowball to the chest. First there was pain of impact, then the ice started to freeze her heart over.

“I am never going to stop protecting you,” she said, giving every word weight. “I’m not going to turn my back on you and let you get hurt,” said Michael.

“Then pretend I don’t exist while we are at school.”

Spock’s body language changed. He turned his torso toward her and leveled her with a heavy gaze that made her stomach sink

“If you truly want what is best for me, you will honor Father’s wishes and ignore me at school. You will allow me to handle this—,” he stopped, his voice cut off by what Michael knew were tears he’d never shed. “You will allow me to handle this situation on my own,” he said, as soon as his voice was steady enough to speak again.

“But you...no...I won’t do it.”

“You will,” said Spock, turning around again to face the stars. “You have never betrayed me when I’ve explicitly set a boundary with you, and I’ve done the same for you. I assumed we had an understanding.” 

Michael swallowed her tears. Her cheeks were hot and flushed as she tried to hold her breath while she wiped her tears away, hoping Spock wouldn’t be able to tell. 

“Is this you setting a boundary, then?” asked Michael. “You really want me to walk past you and let you get harassed?”

Spock’s eyes fixed on a point a thousand light years away, as if he were trying to find the single point of light that was Planet Earth. 

“Yes I do,” said Spock. “Do not get involved with my schoolmates who have the habit of being...uncouth. Especially if it should come to a physical altercation.”

“What?” she blurted. “Has it ever...gotten to that? You don’t know how to do a nerve pinch properly!”

“Neither do you.” Sock blinked at her. 

They were both quiet for a moment. Finally, Michael whispered, “But I love you...” The ache crept into her voice, tears flowing faster. “I can’t watch you get hurt and not do anything.”

“You must,” he said, forcing evenness into  
his tone. “Otherwise Father will be disappointed. If you stay out of my affairs, Mother and Father will also likely fight less.”

“But what about you?”

Spock turned and locked eyes with her. “What happens to me is of no consequence.”

Michael opened her mouth to say something, then shut it. She knew when he spoke about his own life as if it was disposable he was coming from a place of emotion and trying to hide it, He was upset about what happened. She tried for another approach.

“What do you need? Can I...give you a hug?” Michael offered, arms spasming at her sides to avoid reaching out. 

“No. In fact, I would like to meditate out here, so I need you to leave.”

Michael watched her brother turn back to inspecting the night sky, his lips pursed. 

She felt a surge of anger rise in her chest. She was frustrated at his refusal to open up to her, and wanted to punch him until he was bloody just to get his emotional shields down enough to get him to admit he was hurting.

But doing that would make her no different than his tormentors. So instead she nodded though his back was still to her. “Enjoy your meditation,” she said and walked back to her room.


	2. New Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2. Not gonna lie, this was therapeutic. Whew!

Spock knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. At seventeen hundred hours he’d brought food rations to his quarters so he could stay there and remain until he was hailed for assistance.

Almost as if on time, his door chimed. He heard his sister’s voice saying his name through the comm. He allowed himself a moment to silence the vague sense of annoyance in his chest. 

“Spock? Could you open the door?”

He sighed, another small allowance, and reached for his bedside table. He pressed the small button that unlocked the door to his room and made it whoosh open.

“We have some things to go over,” Michael said, walking in at her normal quick pace. “You said you’ve had more contact with the Red Angel than anyone else. Is there any possibility we could—wait...what’s wrong with you?”

She looked up and noticed her brother lying on his back 

“I have given you all of the information possible about the Red Angel. It is unlikely I will sleep tonight, so I will likely not have more information tomorrow either.”

“Then why did you let me in?”

“Curiosity.”

“About what?”

Spock exhaled sharply through his nose. “You.”

“Oh,” she said. Her voice changed. “You wanted to see if the pouty depressed act would work on me, didn’t you?”

“Interpret my behavior however you like,” he said. “I was merely curious if you had any pertinent information to give me.”

He put one foot on the ground. He sat upright in one fluid motion and poised like a cat on the edge of his bed.

“Do you, in fact, have anything to tell me? Or are you merely here to prod me?”

“You know what? I was actually just going to say goodnight, but you’re trying to turn it into an argument so I’m just going to go...”

Spock squinted at her for a sign of deception. 

“I don’t lie, if that’s what you’re trying to figure out,” Michael said, “I just...wanted to see your face again. It’s been a while.”

“Since when?” Asked Spock. “Since you left for Star fleet or since you decided to sever our emotional ties?”

Were Spock human, the shocked look on his sister’s expression would give him pleasure. He’d brought it up later that day, and apparently she had not emotionally recovered yet.

“I didn’t mean it...like that. What I said...” 

Spock tilted his head, peering up at her in a way he hoped would make her feel like a specimen under a microscope. Did she really expect him to interpret such a carefully calculated move as unintentional?

“What you said was effective,” he said. 

“Only because you refused to mind meld with me or talk to me about it.”

Spock stood up and faced her. “Why talk more? You taught me a valuable lesson that day.” 

Michael looked so angry she could scream, but Spock found she only got more quiet when she was angry. Despite her anger, she still said “I’m sorry.” 

“About what?” He crossed his arms, his face relaxing as he prodded her further.

“About how I made you feel.”

“And how did you ‘make’ me feel?” 

“I...don’t know,” she said, her hands falling at her sides helplessly. “You know if it’s hard to talk about, we could mind meld and you could just show me.”

Spock was silent for a long time. Finally, he answered “I fear mind melding with you would be...problematic. I still harbor negative feelings about you that are not logical.”

“Like what? Come on, let’s pick it apart. What, specifically, did I say to you that night that made you angry enough that you’re still holding onto it? Put it into words.”

His mind turned over and over as he tried to put his emotions into words. “I cannot produce an answer you would not take as an insult. I do not wish to argue with you.”

“We’re gonna argue if you don’t tell me,” she said, setting her mouth in a perfect line. “Go ahead. ‘Insult’ me.”

She sat down on his bed. Her face settled into a stubborn mask that reminded him, eerily, of their father’s gaze. 

He turned away from her, one leg coming up to perch on the bed as he turned his back to her.

“You taught me to say ‘I love you.’ Then when I gathered the courage to say it for the first time, you pushed me away in every way available to you.” 

“Wait,” she said. “That night...that was the first time you’ve ever said ‘I love you’ to someone?”

He couldn’t see her face but he could feel her, staring at him. 

She put her hand on his shoulder. He moved away, and she let him go.

They used to take advantage of Spock’s knack for touch telepathy as children. If something bothered Spock, sometimes all Michael had to do was hug him to know his thoughts and be able to coax him out of spiraling.

He really, truly didn’t want her to know how he really felt.

“How did I make you feel, Spock? When I said that?”

He shook his head.

Michael pressed on. “I’ll bet I made you feel like nothing. Like trash.”

“Be quiet.”

“I called you a freak. I called you a half-breed. I told you that you couldn’t love or be loved.”

“Silence!” He commanded, whipping around to face her. His eyes were full of tears again that he wouldn’t let himself shed. He breathed until his anger faded away.

“Father might want to make amends,” she said, at last. “You aren’t curious to see where things might go?”

Spock straightened his back. He closed his eyes. “I’m tired,” he said, simply. “I’m tired of people asking me to bleed for someone who will never change their ways. Many people believe I owe him something. It will already take me a lifetime to recover from my own childhood, and I’ve barely begun the process.” 

“How did I know that’s exactly what you would say?” Michael asked.

“You know me well,” he answered. “However, you ought to know Father well enough to know he could never comprehend the breadth of the damage he’s done to me.” 

“But he loves you,” said Michael. “I know because a part of his Katra lives inside me. I can feel it. I think his Katra lives in the part of my mind that loves you so much. I can feel his love as well as mine. For you.”

“Whether or not he loves me is not the issue. I never felt love for or from him. The real problem I am dealing with is that no one will allow me to grieve the father I never got. I deserve the simple freedom of choosing to not have Sarek in my life.” 

“Why choose to make it this way, though? Why condemn your relationship with him forever when you could allow yourself some hope? Even Vulcans are capable of great personal change.”

“I choose to ‘condemn our relationship’ as you put it because...” he trailed off. He couldn’t speak the last half of his sentence. 

He turned away, but he knew Michael could sense the tears that blurred his vision. Michael raised her hand and placed it on his back. From there, he found the strength to continue. 

“I condemn him because it is more logical to stop expecting him to give me something he is clearly unable to.”

“How is cutting him out of your life any better of an option? I think you’d both be happier if you tried to work past this.“

Spock’s back still faced her. He took another shuddering breath, feeling embarrassment dig in as the tears in his eyes finally spilled. The crushing shame he felt when he experienced strong emotions came to the center of his mind—yet another scar he had his father to thank for. The muscles in his face contorted as he fought to breathe, then finally, to speak. His cheeks were wet and warm to the touch.

“We’re adults now, Michael,” he said. “It’s time we see our parents as people instead of some symbol for personal fulfillment. I am merely coming to the logical conclusion that people do not change on a fundamental level so quickly, especially after someone has reaching Father’s age.”

Spock wiped the tears from what he hoped would be his last time crying over his father, and turned towards Michael. 

Her face was shining with tears, as he suspected.

“Father never mind melded with me,” Spock said. “Mind melding is essential to a Vulcan child’s development and he couldn’t even give me that. You and him both taught me quite effectively that communicating love isn’t worth the effort.“

“I didn’t mean to. I was a kid.”

“I know,” he said. “That is the only reason I don’t fault you for what you said.” 

“But you can’t give Father more forgiveness? Even one more time?” 

“I cannot emotionally afford to give him that,” he said, every word carrying a heavy weight. 

Michael sighed. “Well...I don’t know how much sense this will make to you but can I give you a hug on dad’s behalf?”

Spock squinted at her, his brain blanking when he tried to understand her meaning.

“What I mean is,” Michael continued. “I have a part of father’s Katra in me. So me hugging you can be a little like you getting a hug from him.” 

“...perhaps another time,” Spock said, avoiding eye contact.

Michael was giving him a look he could feel without having to raise his eyes.

“I know that disappoints you.”

“You’ve never disappointed me.”

Spock felt his heart go warm at that. Something inside him switched; something that he couldn’t explain. 

Michael stood, said “Love you,” as she moved to leave. She said the words as if she weren’t sure they mattered to him. 

He caught her arm as she passed in front of him. He stood and lowered his head, as if so much as standing to hug someone brought him shame, too. 

He felt the warmth of her relief as she asked, “Did you change your mind?” 

He nodded, again only with a slight nod of the head. He laid his arms free at his sides. Michael leaned in and was extra careful as she put her arms around his back. He raised his arms, but was not quite able to hug her back. With how lightly and delicately she held herself, it felt like he was being hugged by a bird. 

He leaned away, and she stepped back for him. 

“Thank you,” she said, smiling softly at him before turning to leave Spock alone with his thoughts.


	3. Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I always wished we’d seen Michael talk through her trauma more so !! This happened

Spock took long strides as he made his way down the hallway of the Discovery. He found the ship to be surprisingly lovely, even though nothing could match up to the Enterprise.

He’d had a dream the previous night about the Red Angel. Michael said she would be off-shift at twenty-two hundred hours, and he was hoping to be a minute early for efficiency. 

He walked until he finally found his sister’s quarters. He pushed the comm button. 

He waited. 

The door whooshed open to reveal not Michael, but her roommate. Spock couldn’t recall her name, but he recognized her curly orange locks.

“Oh, it’s you!” said the woman. Her presence filled the doorway as she wagged a finger in his direction. “I recognize you. You’re Spock, right?”

“Yes,” he replied with a tilt of his head.

“I’m Sylvia. Tilly. Ensign Sylvia Tilly, that’s me,” she rambled, holding out her hand for Spock to shake, her cheeks reddening. Almost right away she retracted her hand. “Wait! Sorry, I forgot Vulcans don’t shake hands.”

She held up her hand and attempted a very uncomfortable version of what he suspected was the traditional Vulcan ta’al. By the time she started to use her other hand to separate her fingers, Spock had to stop her.

“There is no need for that. Is Michael inside?”

Tilly shivered from head to toe, trying and failing to act casual. “Oh, uh, nope!” she yelped, leaning heavily on the open doorway, as if attempting to hide Spock’s view of the quarters behind her. Tilly shook her head. “No...she’s...out...of the room. At the bar! She left for the bar.”

Spock blinked at her. Straightening up, Spock flipped his eyes upward and around Tilly’s frame to examine the room behind her. He could see Michael curled up in her bed from where he stood.

“Who is that, then?” he asked, looking straight at his sister.

Tilly continued to tremble, now even more violently, and she shouted into their shared quarters, “I’m sorry Michael, I tried, but he has this really scary, um...this really scary look on his face?”

“You can go, Tilly, thanks anyway,” mumbled Michael, not moving from her bed. 

“Great,” said Tilly, a small relieved smile touched her lips for just a moment. She looked at Spock again and straightened her back firmly. “Nice to meet you, Spock...Mr. Spock. Lieutenant. Sir. Which one do you prefer? Nevermind. Bye.”

Spock watched Tilly leave, a brow raised quizzically. The door swooshed closed behind her. He approached what he assumed to be Tilly’s bed, right across the room from Michael. 

“Will your roommate make a fuss if I sit on her bed?” asked Spock. 

“Yeah,” said Michael. “So by all means, please sit on her bed.”

The room fell silent as Michael gave him a moment to be confused. She finally rolled away from the wall and sat up, simply so she could see his expression. His eyes were fixed at a point far past the confines of the Discovery as he tried to process what she’d just said.

“Sit on her bed,” Michael said, unable to suppress the smile that twitched her lips. “She believes you are, quote: ‘super cool but scary,’ so she will likely be ok with it. She’ll probably feel cool just because you sat on her bed.” 

“I think I shall choose to stand,” said Spock, an uneasy expression passing over his face.

Michael let out a surprised burst of laughter. She had forgotten in all the years apart how unexpectedly funny her brother could be. You could give him a joke written on a piece of paper and tell him to read it and his simple failure to deliver the joke would render everyone in stitches regardless. He had no sense of humor, but by the stars, was he hilarious.

Spock watched her laugh, and asked “Are you laughing at me?”

Michael threw her hand over her lips when she remembered Spock was the type that was always waiting for people to stop taking him seriously. Adult Vulcans did not laugh so much as make a simple, amused little chuff on rare occasion. 

Vulcan children, however, were more prone to laughter due to the fact they were still learning to organize their emotions. In the case of teasing, however, Vulcans took much after human children in using laughter against people. The bullies that roamed Vulcan playgrounds tended to hunt their victims by making a circle around them, pointing out their “flaws.” During this process they would laugh —forced, performed laughter-- as they pointed their fingers simply because it was effective in making a person feel like nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, schooling her face into a neutral expression. “I wasn’t laughing at you. Or, I mean...not in a bad way.”

He waved her off. “My captain and human colleagues have introduced me to the concept of laughing ‘with’ someone rather than ‘at’ them,” he said plainly.

She hoped Spock would learn how to laugh at himself one day. It might take longer, but maybe one day it would come to him. 

“Is there a reason you’re here?” Michael asked, trying to keep an awkward silence at bay. 

“I came to...apologize for the excessive display of emotion the other day ago. I did not intend to burden you so much.”

Everything she had been about to say got wiped clean from Michael’s mind. Mentally, she felt like she’d been blindfolded and spun around, then had the blindfold ripped away the moment she became dizzy. She reoriented herself.

“You... came here just to say that?” she guessed. 

“Yes. I came to apologize for not being more composed in my attempt to communicate my feelings.” 

“What do you want me to do here?” she asked, a note of amusement in her voice.

“Nothing” he said. “I merely intended to convey my regrets.” 

She sighed, not even wanting to think about how backwards it was of him to apologize for crying. It gave her a peek of the high mountain he would have to climb through the rest of his life. Finding the harmony between emotion and logic might be difficult to do on his own—she could only hope he would one day have friends loyal enough to help him.

“There seems to be another thing weighing on your mind,” he said. 

Damn his telepathy. She knew he could sense her general thoughts and feelings due to the familial Vulcan bond they had, but she had no idea it would have lasted through this time enough for him to still be able to guess how she was feeling.

“It’s nothing,” she said. “Tilly and I were discussing a mission we were on not long ago. An alternate universe. We had to dress up, to blend in...all to topple their evil empire and get back to our own universe.”

“It sounds like quite the mission,” he said. He shifted on his feet, his eyes flickering to the side of Michael’s bed that was unoccupied.

“Feel free to join me,” she said, gesturing towards the bed.

They sat together on the edge of the mattress, feet planted, a meter apart. Their hands remained folded in their laps, the both of them too afraid to even let their postures relax.

“What...aspect of the mission was troubling to you?”

Michael inhaled in, then out, deeply and slowly. “Have you met our Acting Captain, Mr. Saru?”

“The Kelpian man?”

“Yes.”

“I have met him.”

Michael’s throat was beginning to tighten. She could feel that this was going to be a hard story to get through.

“He’s a very close friend of mine,” she said. “Nearly family. I saw the version of him from this other universe. He was...my slave.”

Spock inhaled deeply. He turned his body towards her, his eyes hardening with seriousness. 

“I am guessing you had to play along with everything that was presented to you, since you did not want to have your true identity discovered.”

“That doesn’t even begin to cover it”

“Elaborate.”

“I...” she faltered and looked down at her lap. Acid rose in her throat and saliva pooled in her mouth as she fought back the urge to be sick. She felt the slice of kelpian flesh sliding down her throat all over again.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she saw Spock’s hand twitch at his side. Their mother had taught him to always give hugs when any other human he felt “comfortable with” was crying.

“Take your time,” he said. 

Then, surely enough, Spock’s hand rose and came to rest around her back. This made a part of her melt and finally, she broke. Tears rolled down her face as she let herself weep for a moment. It didn’t matter so much if Spock noticed—it wouldn’t be the first time he’d seen her cry.

Before he hugged her and made her feel even more emotional, she continued the story. 

“I was forced to to eat Kelpian flesh,” she said, fighting to keep the tremor out of her voice. 

Spock inhaled sharply, his eyebrows furrowed. His mouth was closed so tensely the color of his lips disappeared.

“I’m...” his voice was husky for a fraction of a second. “I am sorry.”

“But all of this of course happened after he helped...get me ready for the day. He treated me like royalty. He didn’t let me bathe myself or do anything myself. I... I even asked him his name, but he only said that slaves didn’t get names. It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. And that was all before they made me...eat.”

She broke at the last word and felt more sobs wrack her body. Spock moved forward and caught her. She rested her head on his shoulder and suddenly she felt thirteen again, leaning on Spock for comfort that he only knew how to give in specific ways. 

He held onto her tightly as she cried into his shoulder. 

“I grieve with thee,” Spock whispered, with more tenderness she’d ever heard him use. “Is this bothering you terribly?”

She nodded, pulling away from him and drying her eyes. 

Spock was thinking. She could see it in his face.

“There is a Vulcan practice,” he said. “It’s a form of mind melding. It helps a troubled person forget the pain of an event and render it so it carries no emotion tied to it. You know what I’m referring to, correct?”

Michael nodded. This practice was frequently used amongst Vulcans who trusted one another and needed it. It was considered a gesture of kindness, because the Vulcan performing the service was rendered extremely emotionally vulnerable afterward. Doing the type of thing Spock offered would leave him emotionally exhausted for days. 

“I couldn’t ask you to take that on,” she said. “But thank you. Really.”

He nodded curtly. “What they did to you was psychological torture, Michael. I myself do not know if I would have had your strength to do what you did. Even the most emotionally level Vulcan could be traumatized by what happened to you. 

“You’re right...” she said, amazement in her voice as this hit home.

“Furthermore, I’d like to apologize for any comments I have made that have questioned your honor. You are clearly someone with much of it. As for Mr. Saru, if he has an ounce of logic in him, he will understand why you did what you did. He would not judge you so harshly as you are judging yourself.”

“...you think so?” she asked carefully. 

“Of course,” he said. “I am...very impressed with the inner strength you possess.”

“You’re calling me brave for eating the flesh of a prey species that is already going extinct?” she asked, her voice sounding bitter. 

“Yes,” he insisted. “You did what logic and duty demanded of you in a difficult moment. Your inner strength is..enviable.”

She smiled softly up at him. “You know, you have strength too. You just won’t admit it.”

One of Spock’s eyebrow flew upward in response to that. “That is a very interesting thing of you to say.”

She smiled and gave him another hug. “I’ve missed you,” she said.

“...Likewise.”

“You wanna do me a favor?” Michael wiped her face and sat up right as she asked, “Will you watch Cinderella with me, like when we were kids? The version with Whitney Houston in it? I know you loved to complain about it, but I also know you wouldn’t have seen it with me so many times if you didn’t secretly like it.”

Spock wasn’t thinking about that—he was thinking about what he had to say about the Red Angel.

“I have news for you first,” he admitted almost solemnly. “I...unfortunately have had another dream about the Red Angel.”

Her face fell. He continued, quickly. 

“It is a small clue. There is a 3% chance my not telling you about it now will slow down our mission.”

“I can gamble on three percent,” she decided. “Can you?”

“For one evening?” he asked. “...I believe so.”

They shared a small smile and turned on the holographic tv in the middle of the room.

The siblings made themselves comfortable next to each other on Michael’s bed, and remained calm and at peace for the remainder of the evening, until Michael fell asleep. Spock turned the holo off and gently moved Michael’s legs so she was aligned properly in bed. He draped a blanket over her before turning to leave. 

Outside, Tilly was curled up on the ground outside the quarters. Spock felt a soft blow of guilt for making her too intimidated to come back to her own quarters. He cleared his throat and waited.

Tilly shot upright until she was on her feet, apologizing every time she exhaled (and she was hyperventilating).

“It’s okay, Ensign,” he said, trying to soften his facial features so she didn’t feel threatened. “You could have gone in. It is your living quarters.” 

Tilly’s face twitched until it formed a smile. Spock attempted to mirror her expression.

“Sorry,” she said, “for being all...myself. We’re only human, right?”

She froze, and Spock could see the panic and regret forming in her eyes.

“I agree,” he replied, before Tilly could ramble out a novel-length apology

“Ok...” she relaxed a little, and a part of Spock felt glad. “Goodnight...”

He gave her a little nod and what was almost a smile. He turned and headed for his quarters, feeling, for the first time in a while, at ease.


End file.
